yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
