White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
