Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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