i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
