You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
