Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
