Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
