Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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