they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
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