these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
