Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
