I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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