We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
