I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
