Define "chronic" masturbator.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
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