Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
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