'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
