Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize