Already got asked if we're dating
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
