Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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