one might say we're banned from that church
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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