Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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