i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
