I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
