i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
