four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
