I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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