And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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