She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
