Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
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