Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
