Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
