This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
