There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
