just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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