You smell like stripper and shame
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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