Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
