Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
