i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
