im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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