his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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