If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
