He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
