so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize