I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
