hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
