so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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