Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
