just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
