i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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