she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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