So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
