it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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