Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
why does every cop we meet know your name?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
