is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
