so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize