I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize