check it out our google latitudes are spooning
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize