when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
please come you make the beer taste better
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
