he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
