Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
