my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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