i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
