I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
