ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
