So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
