the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
