His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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