he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
