my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
