well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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