Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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