I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
