I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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